your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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