I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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