Nicole vs. Life
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
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just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
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She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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