just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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