well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.