Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.