his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dating After Heartbreak
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.