I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
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Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
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Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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