im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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