All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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