saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
