I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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