Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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