and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
