This dress was meant to end up on your floor
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
