Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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