If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
