I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
