Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
