does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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