Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize