Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
