Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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