i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
