i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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