saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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