I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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