she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
