upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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