Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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