isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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