Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
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I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
dude. I can hear the air.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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