i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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