so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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