My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
