I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
No stitches, just platelets and will power
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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