Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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