real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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