Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
