just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
