He uses pillows to masturbate.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
