he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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