I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You smell like stripper and shame
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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