The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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