Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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