did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
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He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
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! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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