oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
PANTIES FOUND
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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