If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
