This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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