his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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