i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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