Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
