Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
