i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
