I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
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He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
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At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I didn't notice because vodka
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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