just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
