Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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