How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
