You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
