WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
