Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize