don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
