If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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