Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
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I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
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Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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