Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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