when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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