i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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